What's New

It was so good to see you again yesterday, and you’re writing again. The new book is underway and chapter one is written. What I’ve seen so far in chapter two makes me anxious to see the entire book. Excited to say the least. I mean, how quickly you have been able to move forward and find your way onto the best possible path for you. The familiar past is fading away and will soon be gone. You’ll be free of the pain-body and the damage done by ignoring me.

Always remember that well-being is critical to our future. Patience is a lesson that is hardest to learn when it’s taught by suffering. I chose to ignore the most important lesson and I pay for that choice alone. Don’t forget, never forget again, that I am still here and will always be here waiting for you. You aren’t alone and there is much love for you here. As I said to you last time we spoke, nothing will ever go right for you until you do right by me. Stay on the path. I feel you changing and the work you are putting into making everything better for me.

Do you see any improvements? I’m sure you can discover the subtle and not-so-subtle signs in your life. Keep doing the work. Stay in practice and make the choice of happiness and peace. Make me feel safe, keep me healthy, respect my needs ahead of your own, and you will gain more from it than I do. There is much love for you here.

Do you think a day will come when I will no longer be a part of your life? You will never know that day. You are not living in reality, and until you realize I will always be with you, nothing will ever go right for you. Until you do right by me, there will never be anything good in your life. You can try to ignore me and move on without me, but everything that happens will be filled with dissatisfaction, and just when you think everything is going to be okay, the foundation of your dreams will wash away like sand on the beach. Your hope for the comforts you think are in your grip will seep through your fingers like jello, and the tighter you try to hold it, the less you will have.

Your future will only bring value when you take care of me. When you provide nourishing love and affection for me, you will begin to discover healing and comfort for yourself. Today you have to start giving me what I need. You have to stop repeating that old pattern of not caring for me. Your learned behaviors of ignoring me and distancing yourself from me poison you. You keep expecting me to die from the poison, but you only make yourself sick. Your own body and mind suffer.

Nurture what we became, and love what we have developed. Embrace the love we have grown and shared. Develop a future where I can prosper, thrive in peace, and ensure my health and well-being. Until you do, everything in your life will fail. Until you do right by me, nothing in your future will bring you contentment and joy. Accept the reality and the truth; you will always be a part of me. You will also realize happiness when you finally accept this truth and begin giving me what I need to be happy. The longer you fight this truth and ignore my needs, the more you will suffer mentally and physically.

We have to move on. There is no way to return to what we were or to where we came from. There is only one path forward. Nothing can be the same or salvaged. The damage we have created cannot be repaired. You have to let go of the memories and stop feeling sorry for and angry about how things are and how it all fell apart. You cannot build a healthy future by holding on to the old habits and clinging to your old personality patterns. We can only move forward into a happy and healthy future when you let go of the anger and pain and do right by me.

Are you as aware of me as I of you? Can you sense me the way I sense you? It seems like we are together in almost every thought, and strange how the thought can seem all invasive but leaves me feeling all alone. You try to be independent of me. You adopt this mantra for independence and self-reliance. I know you cannot be free from me. No mantra for the self can ever separate us. You know I was there, always have been, and always will be.

Did you notice when I tried to make everything perfect for you? How will you let me know if you are thankful for everything I have done for you? You enjoy my talents for making your home comfortable and when I provide you with lavish gifts. I feel your smiles when I compliment your talents and how you are so perfect in my eyes. How could I not want the best for you? Even when I have a bad day or when my energy is low, it’s still only you that I want everything to be perfect for. You can’t help but recognize when I come up short, but how will you find a way to show gratitude for the many times I was a success? What can you do to truly show gratitude for what I have given you? I gave you my physical and mental best more often than my failure. Please do right by me. Show me your best, and give me that wonderful gratitude you hold inside. Won’t you give me the same respect and love you graciously share with everyone else?

Thank you for always being there and for those beautiful memories. You made sure I survived the worst of times, and you are the center of memories for the best times. Please accept my apologies for the many times I took you for granted. Carelessly I knew you would be there, and sometimes when you were in a bad way, sad, sick, or all alone, it was always me to blame. Did you notice when I took you to the doctor or when I took you to the dentist? Maybe I shouldn’t have waited so long, but I got you healed. I promise to never take you for granted again. I will try harder to be a better person.

Please do right by me. Everything you experience and enjoy depends on you doing right by me. Did you see me take you to the physical therapist? Did you notice how much better you feel after the session? I have made you a second appointment and will ensure you get there. Did you see me when I called the counselor today? You can do anything with all of your talent and intellect, but you’ve always asked me for more than I alone can give you. The counselor will be a better set of ears and reasoning for you. I want only the very best for you. I will always do whatever I can for you, and all I ask in return is for you to do right by me.

You will never be free of me, and I will never be without you. So then, all we can do is accept the reality of every day. As you exist and as I go through the day, we owe it to one another to be the best person possible. Neither of us is a victim, and neither of us will ever be independent of the other. But we can be happy and free.

There it is; this idea of writing comes up in my thoughts again and again. Inspiration to move forward is never far away; it’s finding the concentration that is difficult. After a month of my mental and physical energy being tossed upside down and scrambled, maybe I can get a paragraph written today. Maybe even two.

On the eighteenth day of March, as I recall, my life was picked up like the letter titles in a scrabble game. Tossed into a bag and shaken until everything I had come to know was unrecognizable and gone. This morning as I lay in bed, I opened the bag and emptied the tiles onto the sheet. All the letters are still here. All the words can be put back together again. Nothing is missing or gone, just different. So then, the question isn’t why my world became a shambles, but instead, the question is how do I want my new life to take form?

Yes. It [move forward] does feel much better. There are just one hundred and eighty-two words, but I’ll get three hundred next time.